So, today I finally got to see my pain management specialist. It was good to see her, but frustrating because I had to recap the last 8 months for her in about 5 minutes. After dishing it all out to her, she came to a brilliant conclusion about my pain. I am under too much stress. She kinda chuckled when she told me this because it always seems to be her answer. 

Me? Stressed? How ever did she figure that out? Was it the fact that I am in horrid pain 24/7? Or the fact that the hubs has been without a job since the beginning of January? Or the fact that my jpouch has never acted right, and causes problems in my daily life? What was the dead give away on that one? I had even told her that I have one foot in the ER door because the pain and pouch are so bad. She told me that going to the hospital would only add to my stress, and I should stay home and rest. Rest? At home? Good one. 

She also suggested that I go to therapy or their yoga for pain patients. Those are both great suggestions. There are a couple problems, however. One, I am broke. Two, when I am this tired, I am terrified to drive. Not only am I tired from lack of sleep, but I am also narcoleptic. I have fallen asleep behind the wheel before. It's very scary. So, I am a prisoner at home for more than one reason.

I feel like I am in the midst of this cycle that I can't escape. I can't plan for anything. I try not to look forward to things. I am stuck.